Proverbially speaking, I mean.
Ever have that feeling when you are EXHAUSTED, stressed, don’t particularly want to do anything or go anywhere or deal with the world beyond your front door… or bed?
When your ‘self-care’ becomes drudgery, or when that project you were so excited about is a heavy weight on your day?
When there is just so. much. awful. feeling. with no way out you can see?
You, my dear, are not alone.
So how do you deal?
My formula is this, in no particular order:
Rest,
ASK FOR HELP,
Have some fun.
Here’s why.
1. Rest
More often than not, you’re hitting a wall because you’re tired. You’re running around, helping everyone else and neglecting yourself. You’re working too many hours (professionally and/or personally). You’re overextended, physically and/or emotionally.
Take a nap. Go to bed. Change your schedule if you can. Take a sick day if possible.
Whatever rest looks like for you, go do that.
I understand this can be easier said than done — there are times and situations that you simply must get through for the foreseeable future. And I also know that many stories professionals (and especially professional women) tell themselves is that they can’t. They can’t not do something. They just HAVE to show up for someone. I don’t know what situation you’re in — and I challenge you to ask yourself: “What happens if I don’t do ___________?”
Usually — nothing. Nothing will happen.
You won’t lose your job. Your kids won’t hate you. Your partner will still love you. Your co-workers will still respect you. And the BONUS? You’ll feel like yourself. You’ll have time and energy for all the things you want to do. AND you’ll set a good example for everyone else around you in the so-called ‘cult of busy.’ You’ll teach your kids what it means to take care of themselves, and how to set boundaries and prioritize themselves in a healthy way.
ALSO — if you’re trying to solve a problem, sleeping on it can do a world of good.
So stop reading this and go to sleep — we’ll resume when you wake up.
2. ASK FOR HELP
Had a good rest? Excellent!
The second hardest thing for folks to do (especially women — yes, I am calling you all out again) is to ASK FOR HELP.
Seriously though, get over whatever it is that is keeping you from sending the text, making the call, drafting the email to get. some. help.
Common stories: “I don’t want to bother anyone.” “Oh, I don’t really need help.” “I should be able to handle this on my own.”
I call BS.
You are worthy of help. You are NOT a bother. And if you are saying you don’t need help, you probably do. Throw ‘should’ out of your vocabulary.
Seriously. Ask. For. Help.
If you honestly know you need help but don’t know where to go or who to turn to, don’t worry. I see you, and I’ve got you. All you need to do is sit or stand or be wherever you are and just say the word: “Help.”
This may sound new-agey and dumb and borderline bananas, but I Promise you something WILL show up. Ten times out of ten. Asking for help from you don’t know where with an open heart and faith that it will absolutely without a doubt show up is a surefire way to get things moving. You will meet someone, read an ad, hear a song, pick up a book… whatever you need, the easiest next best step will show up.
Sidenote: if something shows up and it feels hard or more effort, it’s not the thing. When help shows up it feels easy, welcome, and supportive.
2. Have some fun!
Why?
Fun is nutrition for the heart and soul.
It is an often overlooked form of self-care.
And it is delightfully individual — do what YOU enjoy. Here are some ideas: have a run, join a rec team sport, decorate your home, play a board game, watch some movies, read a novel, paint a model, build a model, plan your garden, bake some cookies, write a story, read a story, paint, sing, dance, play an instrument, go for a walk, explore a museum, explore your town, see some art… you get the picture.
Play helps solve problems. It gets your mind off the issue and into a different space where anything is possible. It helps you let go of whatever issue has brought you face to brick wall and find a way to get around it or through it. Play supports creativity, gets your wheels turning in new ways.
In other words, fun is the magic of release and creativity that will help pole-vault you right on over that wall. Or blast a hole in the middle of it (perfectly you-sized), or pave a path right around it.
Take care friend — every wall has a top, an end, a weakness somewhere in the middle. You’ll get around it one way or another. It’s inevitable!
Until Next Time,
Katherine